Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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