yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize