oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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