When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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