We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
