So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
