Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
