If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
