i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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