home. puking in laundry basket.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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