i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
