glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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