Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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