Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
