There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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