At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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