can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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