Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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