like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
