Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
