Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
