Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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