I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
