I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
