I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
