EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
