Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
