Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
