i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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