i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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