I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
