She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
