Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
