is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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