you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
