I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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