Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
