We're facebook friends in real life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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