And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
