You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize