I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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