I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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