I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
