She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
