so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize