i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
