It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
