i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
