I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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