Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.

Fav 6 2189 895
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window

Fav 12 1331 3139
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(206): View more from Washington

She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

(360): View more from Washington

At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

Fav 5 939 2471
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(256): View more from Alabama

One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.

Fav 38 1751 5380
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(406): View more from Montana

Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

Fav 14 5325 1946
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(714): View more from California

there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

Fav 10 2723 1330
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(281): View more from Texas

I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

Fav 8 746 1842
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(209): View more from California

We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.

Fav 3 1095 590
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(803): View more from South Carolina

So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?

Fav 2 139 239
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