once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
