Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
