this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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