Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
