i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
