Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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