Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize