just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
