im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
