Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
