im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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