can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
