I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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