It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize