i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
