Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
