i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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