Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
