Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
