This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
