you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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