finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
