her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
