i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ok first of all what the fuck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
