mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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