imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
