literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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