Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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