Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
