He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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