so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
