so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
