Define "chronic" masturbator.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
