3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
