I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
