i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
