Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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