She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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