Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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