dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
