I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
