good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they're like a gay fantastic four
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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