.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
