I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
