Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
