last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
