I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
