there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
