She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
