My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
