I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
