You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
