I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So gin and wine won't be happening again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
