She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
