Don't make out with my wife yet
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
