Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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