She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
