The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
