So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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