I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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